The Agony (and Fleeting Ecstasy) of Marat Safin
薩芬的煩惱﹑哀愁與稍縱即逝的狂樂
He has been called the purest physical talent in the history of the game. So why doesn't Marat Safin dominate the tennis world? John Jeremiah Sullivan explores the dark psyche of tennis's tormented genius.
I've hated him, you know. I've hated that wack-job six-foot-four-inch beautiful genuis Tatar. Oh, never for long. Never with consistency that might have led to true renunciation. But there have been times when I wanted to see him... well, not suffer - because i know he suffers; he tells us so. It's one of this words - suffering: "I just suffer a bit more"; "I was suffering too much"; "That's why I am suffering"; "Why should I suffer?" Not that, then, but to see him humbled. Yes - scolded, even. I'm watching at home, let's say, and he's just netted a midcourt forehand approach shot for the twelfth time in the set, having gotten all freaked out about some completely inconsequential baseline error six games earlier, and maybe he's talking to himself, but loud enough for the mikes to pick up, saying things like "Why you fecking run? Why not you make heem fecking run?" when from nowhere comes a tiny, creaking voice. The crowd goes still. A filthy crone, a babushka, has materialized in the service box, and she's waving a bony finger at him. "You," she hisses, "you were born the greatest of them all, and look at you, muttering to yourself like a душевнобольной.You betray your gift, Marat Mikhailovich, and now you will know what it means to suffer."
他一直被公認是網球史上最純正的天才﹐然而為什麼他總是不能主宰網壇呢? JOHN 正在步步探索這位飽受煎熬的天才靈魂深處的心魔。
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你們知道嗎﹐我始終憎恨他。我恨這個脾氣古怪﹑六呎四高大又美麗的天才韃靼人﹐喔﹐但是這股恨意總是那麼一下子﹐總是無法持續這樣的情緒而遺忘放棄他。有很 多次我很想看到他...不是掙扎痛苦的樣子--因為我知道他始終很痛苦﹐他是這麼告訴我們的。他總是說自己SUFFERING(受煎熬痛苦)--"我蠻掙 扎的","我實在是太苦太難過了","這就是為什麼我總是很難受"﹐"為什麼我要這樣痛苦地過日子?" 我不是想看他這樣﹐而是看他被貶低﹑瞧不起的模樣﹐是的﹐甚至被狠狠訓一頓。我在家裡看他打球﹐恰巧看到這樣的情景﹐他在這盤已經上了12次網用大力正手 抽球﹐卻為了六局前離譜的失誤整個人發瘋失態﹐或許他是在對自己說話﹐但大聲到麥克風都轉播出來﹐於是觀眾斥責著 "你TMD幹嘛亂跑啊﹐你TMD不會主動調動對方嗎? 巧巧地這樣的責罵從莫名其妙的地方發出﹐觀眾始終不諒解他糟糕的表現。此時﹐一個戴著頭巾的老太婆突然出現﹐對著MARAT揮著她瘦骨如柴的手咒罵﹐" 你,你天生就是上天賞飯吃的天才﹐但卻老是咕咕噥噥地像個душевнобольной(我不知俄文這是什麼意思)。你背叛了自己的天賦﹐馬拉特﹐現在你 自食惡果知道什麼叫做掙扎﹑困惑痛苦了吧"
I take advantage of the ensuing awkward pause and test-drive the one theory that's always made the nearest semblance of sense to me, in trying to account for the Safin phenomenon, namely, perfectionism. He's said a few times that he sees himself as a perfectionist. Of course, he says so many things, but this one matches what you can see in his game, the way a single ugly shot can derail him from what looks like a certain win, the way an error on his part always seems to bother him twice as much as a great shot from his opponent, the way he almost never seems happy on court.
我試著循著剛剛的談話後短暫靜寂﹐測試我認為最能代表MARAT SAFIN現象的理論﹐即完美主義。他在不少的場合常說他自認是個完美主義者﹐當然他也表達很多其他心聲﹐但是我正在觀賞的這場比賽﹐便發現了他的毛病﹐ 只要在一個糟糕的擊球之後﹐他便開始偏離了原來的軌道﹐本來能輕易贏的比賽卻因此毀了。他先前所犯下的失誤深深困擾著他﹐這困擾遠比其他選手嚴重好幾倍﹐ 代價是他老無法專注於當下﹐因此在球場上他看起來一直很鬱悶不開心。
It's my feeling that Safin's relationship to the game is fundamentally aesthetic. He may occasionally bandy about that tiresome tennis shibboleth "result," which gets used about 1,500 times per press conference (as in "I made a good result," "The important thing is to get a result," etc.), but I don't think he really cares so much about winning qua winning. Oh, I mean, he cares passionately about it, of course, but there's another, deeper level at which what he cares about most is playing beautiful tennis, which means, for Safin, playing perfectly. That he has occasionally achieved this is sort of cruel, when you think about it. It's like Wilander said, when I asked him about his idea that the US Open final against Sampras in 2000 had, for a time, hurt Safin: "It turned out to be the worse thing.... Every time he stepped on a court, he expected to play that way."
我的心裡深處有這樣的感觸﹐薩芬和比賽存在著一種" 唯美" 的關係。或許他不時在採訪記者會裡會提到網球慣用的語詞﹐即"結果論"﹐他可能提了1500次 (如"我今天打的成績(結果)不錯"﹐"最重要的是莫過於獲取好的成果"等等)﹐但我實在不認為他真的那麼在乎輸贏。沒錯﹐他的確也熱切渴望贏球﹔然而另 外一方面﹐深入地去探究﹐對薩芬來說﹐他念茲在茲地還是自己有否完美的表現。回顧一下的他的職業生涯﹐有幾次的確達到了這樣的境界。韋蘭德 (很久前的世界球王﹐也是MARAT前教練)告訴我說﹐2000年美網決賽的獲勝對薩芬來說﹐有好長一段時間未蒙其利﹐只見他為之所害。"本來是美事一樁 ﹐但卻不幸對MARAT造成致命傷﹐每次MARAT一上場﹐他期許自己永遠能表現地像美網決賽那天一樣完美........."
There's something he said during the trophy ceremony after that Sampras match, something I didn't notice at the time but that sticks out now. They were trying to get his take on the match, and he said he couldn't really remember the match, that he remembered only the very last game, when he'd had to serve it out. And here is the curious thing: That's the only game in which Safin played less then perfectly. Sampras even had a break point on him in that game. It was like the whole rest of the match - the astonishing, gorgeous part - hadn't even existed.
2000 年在他贏了SAMPRAS後﹐他在頒獎典禮時提到一些當時我沒特別注意而遲至今日才突然浮現的有趣感言。記者們好奇地問他是怎麼贏的﹐他卻說自己什麼都不 記得了。而他記得的唯一的部分是﹐令人十分好奇不解的﹐竟然是他的最後發球局﹐山普拉斯有破發點﹐那也正是他整場表現稍稍不理想的唯一一局。賽後薩芬回憶 這場比賽只剩這個小瑕疵﹐其他場上優異驚人的表現﹐他全都忘得一乾二淨。
Well that's precisely how true perfectionism works. Contrary to what the rest of us may assume, your clinical, bona fide perfectionist doesn't especially give a crap about the perfection itself. That's just the way it's supposed to go. Nothing to get all gleeful about. The screwups, the moments - the countless moments - when the performance is out phase with the natural order: Those you notice, those you can get emotional about. And this, I really do think, is the reason that although Safin's reactions to his mistakes are perhaps unprecedented in their fury (and I'm not forgetting McEnroe here, but McEnroe was bratty, and Marat Safin, when he's shrieking or breaking rackets or destroying near-court objects, is sort of scary), his deportment in victory tends to be conspicuously muted and unimpressive.
怎麼說呢﹐這正是完美主義的體現啊。跟我們一般凡人邏輯相反的是﹐真正的完美主義者才不屑什麼叫 做完美。他們只知道﹐事情本就應該是如此進行地﹐也因此沒什麼好得意或高興的。如果搞糟了﹐當他們的表現並沒有發揮出該有的水平﹐他們的情緒便失控了。而 我真的認為完美主義也許是薩芬對自己所犯的錯誤反應過度激烈﹑超乎常人的原因 (我並沒有忘記麥克安諾McEnroe的脾氣﹐但麥球王只能說是壞小子﹐而薩芬的怒吼﹑摔拍或場上的破壞﹐簡直是 ...可怕﹑恐怖.....)﹔奇怪的是﹐當他面對勝利時﹐卻是出人意表的無聲和平靜﹐似乎不著痕跡。
You could see this on display after the most recent Australian Open final, against Hewitt. Safin had so many reasons just to go completely ape-shit after that match, to sob, to drop his shorts (like he did in last year's French Open), to throw a ball girl into the stands, whatever he wanted. In addition to not having won a Grand Slam final since his first, in 2000, he'd lost in the final of this particular event twice in the preceding three years. Just to reach Hewitt, he'd had to get past Federer, the current messiah of tennis. That had been a match for the ages - "the match of the year," as they're still saying on TV - an ungodly tense four-and-a-half-hour five-setter that saw match points for both players before the final game but that ended with Federer literally on his hands and knees, crawling toward the net in disbelief. And now here he was, having won the one-hundredth Australian Open against yet another favored opponent, having silenced armies of critics (they'd called him "the one-Slam wonder"), and I might mention that he'd just turned 25. And you know what he did? He gave the weakest little fist pump. I don't really know how to describe the gesture. It was like, "Cool, that went well." Sure you might say, maybe he doesn't like to show his emotions so much. To which one might reply, Have you ever watched a Marat Safin match?
對於這點﹐大家可以回想2005百年澳網面對休依特的決賽勝利﹐他大可以放 肆狂跳慶祝﹐哭泣﹑甚至像法網一樣脫了褲子﹐把球丟到看台上﹐他想怎麼樣都好。對於他來說﹐這冠軍睽違了5年﹐在前三年又在決賽上連番失利﹔而這次﹐在打 敗休依特之前﹐他必須闖過世界天王費德勒這關...那半決賽場是場難得的比賽﹐人們至今仍津津樂道的" 最精典的比賽"﹐他們目睹四個半小時兩大高手狂烈精彩的廝殺﹐落敗費德勒倚著手和膝蓋爬到網前一臉茫然無法置信的情景...而薩芬﹐終於贏了百年澳網冠軍 ﹐令那些批評他的球評閉上嘴巴﹑啞口無言(他們老說他是只拿到一個大滿貫的阿斗)﹐而我還要再次提醒大家﹐薩芬才剛滿25歲(年輕氣盛的時期)。
而 你知道他是怎麼反應來著﹐只是那麼輕輕地握著拳頭.....我實在不知如何形容這樣的舉止行徑﹐好像輕輕表態 "不錯﹐這場比賽進行得還算順利"。當然你可能會說﹐或許薩芬不喜歡太顯露自己的情緒﹐對於這種說法﹐相信很多人都會反駮你的 "你到底看過馬拉特薩芬的比賽嗎 (因為他比賽中始終很情緒化啊)?"
Back in the car, Safin wasn't having any of that. He's over his perfectionism, you see. "You start to realize," he said, "that apart from perfection, if you want to win, you have to be satisfied with the win. You don't have to play incredible tennis; you fight And the luck..."
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